If you know me at all, you’ll hear me talk about how I work full time, take 17 credits at school, wake up at 4:45 am to workout each morning before work, blah blah blah. Clearly, I like to be productive and get things done. But lately I’ve been realizing how unhealthy this all is for me.
I’ve always thought “I can totally do this, I’ve done it before so I’ll do it again because I’m capable and I have the potential to do it.” I’ve come to realize how that mindset is my biggest downfall. In January 2019, the word I chose to focus on for the year was “potential” (talk about a big ego right.) Well, I never looked at it that way, I just knew that if I wasn’t productive and lived up to my full potential I would feel absolutely awful about myself. Like, really, REALLY bad.
By the end of the year I realized how mixed up my mindset was and my word of the year for 2020 has evolved to “self care.” This doesn’t mean I am not going to live up to my potential, because I clearly haven’t done much to open up my busy schedule so far this year, but what I’m trying to learn is that I don’t have to do every possible thing I can to feel successful and productive. If I do, I’m going to lose myself even more than I already have. This is the year for me to focus on ME. (Shout out to the most amazing husband in the whole entire universe who not only helped me realize this but helps me work towards this every single day.)
This transition of my mindset is a huge deal for me that I still struggle with every day. Recently I was curious as to why I struggle with it so much though. After further self reflection and research I realized that the feeling I have been feeling so intensely this whole time is anxiety. It may have taken a few full-blown anxiety attacks for it to really sink in, but it has sunk in now. This is why I want to take care of myself more. I really don’t want to live my life constantly anxious about what I’m not achieving, when I can either focus on what I am achieving, or simply chill out and just relax. (Even the thought of relaxing is stressing me out right now.)
This blog is one way for me to express my thoughts, learn more about myself, and share what I learn as I try to accomplish this daunting task of relaxing and taking time for myself. If you’ve had a big realization like I have, please feel free to comment with your story and how you’ve been overcoming your mental health illness. I would love any tips to better myself!
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